Weird Things Seen

When I am out and about running on my own weirdness often abounds. I am convinced that at some point in my life I will be one of those lucky souls who find a dead body while out on a run or a bike. Fingers crossed!

Follow the rules!

So I live about a mile from a giant city park with tons of trails, tons of good times, tons of trees and tons of random junk, including people who like to bump uglies in public. There I was, happily trotting along on a run after work. Awesome weather, awesome mood, happiness.  I turned left onto a trail I don’t hit often. It leads to a technical downhill that is more of a scramble over boulders, so a run turns into a slow hike for a bit. Boulders are hard, boulders  make me fall, some boulders can be fun to climb, and, for at least two Philadelphia-area residents, boulders in a public park are a good place for sex. Yikes. Just a few yards in front of me a dude and a chick were Super8-ing like the end of the world was near.

 I had a major decision to make, and limited options: Ask them to move out of my way, turn around and go back the way I came thus adding multiple miles onto my route or jump over them. What would Emily Post do? I thought about dropping her a quick line but decided that would take too long.

Decision time. I am sort of shy, so I didn’t want to actually speak to them.  Plus, what does one say? “Hello. My name is Laurie and I am out for my evening jog. I am sorry to interrupt, but could you please slide over a bit so I can pass?” Or, “ALERT HUMPERS! Runner coming through!” Or, “On your left!” None seemed appropriate.

Turn around and go back? Nope.  I am lazy. I didn’t feel like running more miles just to avoid people who decided to make a pile of rocks their honeymoon suite.

So, jump over them it was. I got a sprinting start, held my breath, leaped and hoped to land on my own two feet as opposed to any body part of anyone else. I landed it! Success! I ran away as fast as I could, but not fast enough to miss the dude saying “Do you think she saw us?” Yes, sir and ma’am, I saw you.

The other most awesome thing I saw on a run still confuses me a great deal. I was camping with a friend in Susquehanna State Park.  She had her two dogs with her, and one started barfing and barfing, so she left early to spend $5,470 at the vet just to learn that the dog ate some dirt and would be totally fine. That left me alone in the woods with a day to kill. The place was pretty cool and seemed pretty safe so I decided to head out on a long-ish run.  



The one I saw wasn't this great.



Susquehanna State Park is, surprisingly, along the Susquehanna River, but I headed about 10 miles in the opposite direction from the water. I was on a rocky, winding uphill, paying attention to the terrain immediately in front of me. Suddenly I stepped on a swordfish. An entire,  but somewhat rotting and entirely smelly swordfish.  A damn swordfish. A fish with a sword for a nose. I laughed so hard I cried and stood there for a bit trying to figure out how it got there. Did it grow legs in the style of the snakeheads that walked to my parents’ house? Wings? Parachute didn’t open? WHAT?! WHAAAT?! I still have no idea how this poor fish ended up on a rocky trail at least 10 miles from water.

Our strange next-door neighbor is currently blasting Hey Soul Sister over and over again, so I am going to bury my head under a pile of pillows now.