Thursday, March 3, 2011

Bill's Blue Thing

I arrived home today to a giant Amazon box sitting in the middle of the family room. It was huge -- I immediately checked to make sure that there wasn't a body inside. Fortunately, it was empty. But, what was birthed from inside it? I poked around the house a bit and saw something peeking at me from behind a chair. It was this:


I felt like it was staring at me. I neither liked the blue thing, nor knew what it was. A pool noodle? Some new piece of junk to take up space in the basement? Both?

I was excited for Bill to get home from work, hoping that he'd be able to explain what the hell this thing was. His arrival explained little, unfortunately. After he kissed me hello, he ran over to his new blue girlfriend. Her name is, apparently, Joyce.

I've seen new dads look less proud while
holding their fresh offspring.
"I love this!," he exclaimed before plopping onto the floor and rolling around on top of Joyce. I stared. The cats stared.  I thought about writing to Carolyn Hax or Dan Savage. "My husband spends his time rolling around on a blue thing he calls Joyce. Is this normal?"

video

Right now he is watching an instructional video teaching him how to do more things with Joyce. His one leg is folded over the other and he is sitting on her rolling around. To be fair, I am not a proponent of stretching. Never really have -- faked it during soccer practice growing up, don't really do it now unless something is feeling particularly tight. So, purchasing a blue thing to roll around on for stretching makes me giggle.

Are you jealous of our NES in the video background?

10 comments:

Larry Palazzolo said...

I've had a foam roller for a year and still haven't named it. We have a love-hate relationship. It brings me lots of joy and pain, much like Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock.

Bill said...

Larry, it is like sunshine and rain, or Gold Bond Extra Strength Medicated powder, or being married to Laurie.

Abby said...

This made me laugh, as I read it last night just after I'd returned from a hot date with my own foam roller...

Mallory said...

Joyce is so pretty!! Lol this post was pretty funny. I've never used a foam roller but I am interested in trying it. I've never really been injured (knock on wood) but I think it's because I stretch and I use "The Stick" so it seems to help.

Kara said...

I am just OK with the big black unnamed foam roller that lives in our house. I actually prefer to get physical with the rolling pin! It's much easier to get into those hard-to-reach places. But I am glad that Bill has Joyce. (Did he almost name her after your mom on purpose?)

Larry Palazzolo said...

Once you get comfortable with the foam roller, try out a lacrosse ball. It really gets into those kibbles and bits and you get to make some really awesome faces.

briandmains.com said...

LOL. I'm new to distance running and signed up for a marathon training group out of my local running store. They demonstrated and try to sell us each one of these the other day. I was skeptical.

This did not do much to sway me to lay down the money for one. :)

Bill said...

@Brian, all kidding aside, if you are experiencing tightness in your legs and like the feeling of a "hard" massage, a foam roller is for you. Try it out in the store and you will know right away. Hopefully you can have as meaningful a relationship as Joyce and I.

Joy said...

Kara, thanks for asking that question so that I didn't have to!

briandmains.com said...

Thanks Bill! I'll give it a try tomorrow after my run. The coaches actually spoke highly of it. If the relationship works out I'll let you know what I name her.