Bill, however, is a bit more consistent in what he likes to stuff his face with as we meander through a long race -- the most processed sandwich he can find. We've rushed to start lines after stopping at gas stations for shrink-wrapped cheeseburgers, barged into WaWas (Does everywhere have WaWa yet? If not, I am sad for everywhere) to grab pre-packaged ham sandwiches. The more fat and calories and the more likely to withstand a dousing during the paddle, the better.
For the Rev3, Bill is apparently trying something new--I came home last night to find something scary sitting on the coffee table.
My initial thoughts were this:
- The very fact that this item is in my household constitutes a household emergency. Thus, according to the box, I need this item in my house, reconstituting a household emergency. Well, shit. Mobius strip, anyone?
- I think it should be "READY-TO-EAT SANDWICHES" instead of "READY TO EAT SANDWICHES." The lack of punctuation almost makes this feast seem like an exclamation, maybe a question, or at worst, a mere statement. READY TO EAT SANDWICHES! READY TO EAT SANDWICHES? READY TO EAT SANDWICHES.
- It is cruel to juxtapose beautiful mountain scenery with READY TO EAT SANDWICHES.
- Barbecued chicken? Really? Are you sure that's what those bloody chunks of monstrosity are?
Bill was very excited about his purchase and announced that he would test one during his long run today (to his credit he still got the run in despite the crazy wind and rain pelting us again today). I hoped he was kidding. While I sat around hoping he was kidding I decided to further investigate the alarming box.
|Yeah, I know this picture is gigantic. It's just that I want to share with you how to make|
READY TO EAT SANDWICHES.
I like that the directions for READY TO EAT SANDWICHES state that said SANDWICHES "can be heated via one of the following methods: AS IS: Tear open the pouch at tear notches. Remove Sandwich and eat." Hmm. This isn't really a heating method, is it? Instead, we are told that to eat the Sandwich we should go through the extensive prep of eating it.
I am also happy that "Sandwich" is capitalized here, but not when eaten after being placed in a microwave. In case of microwaving, it is simply "sandwich." Equally as awesome is the fact that all directions include removing Sandwich from the pouch before eating. In case you were confused and thought that the pouch was part of the meal.
Bill wasn't home when I got home from work today. However, he'd clearly had a productive day as, sitting on the dining room table, was the box of READY TO EAT SANDWICHES. One was missing. I took out one of the survivors and poked it a bit. Sandwich just sat on the table like this:
Looks scrumptious, doesn't it? Who wants to come over for dinner for SANDWICH SHELF STABLE HONEY BARBECUED CHICKEN?
Giveaway! I am offering one reader the opportunity to come over for dinner where we will feast on READY TO EAT SANDWICHES. Simply leave a comment on my blog, be a follower (of anything, not necessairly my blog), make a Twitter account for me, and then follow me on Twitter. For an extra entry, go to the READY TO EAT SANDWICHES Web site and tell me what flavor of READY TO EAT SANDWICH you would like to have when you come over. The winner will then be selected by noon on March 29 not by a random number generator but by whomever mails me the largest amount of cash.