I didn't vote until I graduated from college because I was too lazy to figure out how to get an absentee ballot. Terrible, I know.
But once I was actually registered to vote in Philly I voted like a mofo. Like I was getting paid to vote early and vote often. Judicial candidates? I knew where they got their JDs, BAs, STIs and SUVs in addition to how they would likely rule on cases that I felt strongly about. State senate? Knew how many hairs they had on their heads, the name of their goldfish and their voting record from SGA in the 4th grade. Clinton versus Obama in the primary? I literally lost sleep over who to vote for. Obama's inauguration? First in line at 4 a.m. so I could get a good view.
How in the hell can we expect these peeps to make anything better for anyone if they seemingly spend all their time wanting to beach each other with sticks? I have no idea where any of these bobos stand on the issues that concern me most, and it's not for lack of trying. Candidates' Web sites are plastered on why their opponent is the worst human to ever be birthed. Either that, or pictures of their ugly kids.
The only race I am remotely interested in is Not A Witch v. Chris Coons and I don't even live in Delaware. I mean, what bizarro world would we be living if she won? A not-a-witch-teaparty-having-non-masturbating-three-senior-years-of-college-before-maybe-graduating-last-month chick who apparently wouldn't know the First Amendment if it chomped her face off in the Senate? Do I still have time to move to Delaware and register to vote by tomorrow?
|Yes, everyone does. |