Monday, November 1, 2010

I'd Rather Sleep In

Election day is tomorrow! When I was little election day was like Christmas, minus the presents and hangovers and plus a lil' George Bush Sr. and Walter Mondale action. No school and I thought my mom was the coolest because she let me go with her into the voting booth. The giant lever that pulled the curtain open rocked! I felt like the Wizard behind the curtain in Oz. Sweet.

I didn't vote until I graduated from college because I was too lazy to figure out how to get an absentee ballot. Terrible, I know.

But once I was actually registered to vote in Philly I voted like a mofo. Like I was getting paid to vote early and vote often. Judicial candidates? I knew where they got their JDs, BAs, STIs and SUVs in addition to how they would likely rule on cases that I felt strongly about. State senate? Knew how many hairs they had on their heads, the name of their goldfish and their voting record from SGA in the 4th grade. Clinton versus Obama in the primary? I literally lost sleep over who to vote for. Obama's inauguration? First in line at 4 a.m. so I could get a good view.

Bright-eyedish and bushy-tailed to
 see the new guy become prez.
Sometime between then and, uh, yesterday, though, I decided that maybe I'd just rather sleep in tomorrow. Frankly, I can't even tell you what party the major candidates are in. I do know that apparently they all either want to punch each other in the face or give each other 798 papercuts followed by a dousing in rubbing alcohol.

How in the hell can we expect these peeps to make anything better for anyone if they seemingly spend all their time wanting to beach each other with sticks? I have no idea where any of these bobos stand on the issues that concern me most, and it's not for lack of trying. Candidates' Web sites are plastered on why their opponent is the worst human to ever be birthed. Either that, or pictures of their ugly kids.

The only race I am remotely interested in is Not A Witch v. Chris Coons and I don't even live in Delaware. I mean, what bizarro world would we be living if she won?  A not-a-witch-teaparty-having-non-masturbating-three-senior-years-of-college-before-maybe-graduating-last-month chick who apparently wouldn't know the First Amendment if it chomped her face off in the Senate? Do I still have time to move to Delaware and register to vote by tomorrow?

The snooze button is looking more and more tempting for tomorrow morning. But my husband would probably guilt me out of the house if I didn't vote. I also strongly believe that if you don't vote, you can't complain. I am certainly a huge fan of complaining which might be enough to drag my morning-hating self out of bed and to the church that is literally five feet from my backyard to vote. Maybe.

Yes, everyone does.
Especially politicians.

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